In or out of the broom closet, that is the question....

I often wondered what it would be like to be out the of damn closet already.....Many things wander thru my mind, such as, if I came out to my family and friends, I have this silly notion stuck in my head that they all would be so excepting and embrace it, and me for choosing the path I have. That's just what it is, a silly notion.

From the conversation I have had in the past with my family and friends, and the comments they have made about similarly related issues, it would seem to me that ignorance is bliss. Not that my family and friends are by any means "haters", they aren't, far from it actually, it is just, like most people in today's society, they fear that which they don't understand.. Plainly put.

I was raised in a "Lutheran" household. However we never actually were regular church attendees by any means. My father worked to much and my mom had us to take care of. I knew of the teachings so to speak, meaning I knew the whole, there was a god, and the baby Jesus, Mary, immaculate conception thing and Adam and eve, etc etc. Any more than that forget it...LOL

I remember going to summer bible school sort of thing, kind of like catechism, but only for the summer, and I only went once. So you see, my family was far from being bible thumpers. However my dad tried to instill a good belief system in us anyways.

Many years later, ( at the age of 19) I got married and failed miserably at it, sucked actually, we both did. To young, you know the bit. Which led me on my path of "there has to be something more". Divorced 3 yrs later and wondering what the hell did I just do with my 3 wasted years? I turned to wicca/witchcraft, and delved into it. It kept my mind busy, and out of trouble. I began studying gardening, herbalism and the like.

Now, older and wiser, on my second marriage of  9yrs, and having a child of 5. I couldn't be happier. My husband is catholic, raised in a the traditional "catholic ways", i.e. purgatory, hell, all the scary shit, that scares the hell out of a kid. However, he is the most open minded person I have ever met, and fully supports me in anything i do, and my beliefs. So now your probably wondering, when am i going to get to the point? Ok, here it is, I am out of the broom closet, but to only one person, my husband. He knows it, he's ok with it, etc.

The rest of my family, not so much as I explained before. The reason? Well it isn't because of what you might think's the fear that they will think I will be setting my daughter up for relentless teasing and ridicule at school. Which, in all honesty, the thought has crossed my mind alot. It is one of the concerns of my husband as well. They would worry that because of my beliefs, that she would be an outcast of sorts. Kids can be so fickle, we all know this. I wouldn't want this for her at all. Any mothers out there can sympathize with me on this one regardless of how they feel about their own beliefs.

I really wouldn't care what they thought of me, it is her I worry about. My husband and I both have talked about this subject over and over. He wants her to have a "base" religion. Of course it is catholic. She was baptized catholic and more than likely going to be attending catechism (shudders). I'm hoping this will be put off as long as possible really...LOL I have told him that I really don't want her to be scared shitless with the catholic teachings. You see my husband still doesn't sleep naked, (for fear of the angels laughing at him...yeah....I can thank his grandmother for this), not to mention the "mamoonas", "purgatory" ,"burning off all your sins, before being allowed into heaven" and other such terrifying thoughts. I could go on and on. My husbands family really put a whammy on his head when he was younger and it carried over into his adult life, but as time goes on he has had time to come to his own conclusions of things and isn't that bad anymore. You know the "older and wiser thing".

Anyways, he is ok, with me teaching her my beliefs, as long as I don't refer to it as "magik" or "spells", he prefers the terms "herbalism and prayer"...which is fine by me. I told him when she is old enough, I will teach her magik and spells, and about the gods and goddess', how I believe all things are connected with nature, etc, etc. but for now, yes..herbalism and prayer. Besides she is to young right now anyways.

But this is why I am not out of the broom closet yet. Not for fear of what people might think of me, but for what people might do or say to my daughter. It's sad really that it has to be this way, I struggle with this thought everyday. The thought of following the norm..ya know. If she goes to catechism, believes in the catholic teachings, or other christian teachings, she will be considered, well, normal. Isn't that ridiculous? Anything outside the box is abnormal...I hate that about our society. I asked my husband this question, "what if when she gets older she doesn't want to be catholic, she wants to follow the pagan path? He replied, that's fine. I just want her to be able to defend herself, if the situation arises. Right now she is to young and doesn't know any better."
thru my head a breakneck speed. I thought i had better not push the issue farther than it needed to be at that point in time. I often wonder if any other pagan moms have thought of these many questions in their minds as well? Have they had similar struggles? Have they not come out of the broom closet for the sake of their child?  I wonder..... if I am alone with my thoughts, I so very much wonder.

Category: 7 comments


The Traveler said...

You are not at all alone. I am doing the same thing. Keeping things vague because my kids don't need any more hassles at school. I can handle whatever is thrown at me, and I don't care what anyone has to say about me, but I won't make my kids targets. It is truly sad that this is the way things are.

Mama said...

You are not alone, I feel the same way. It is sad that we do not have the same choices as others. My kids go to a catholic school, so I am required to show up for mass once in awhile. As I was standing there thinking it would be nice to have a big place to go and worship the Goddess and be open to the things I believe in and not to have to hide them, or call them by different names. But this is where we are at today, we have come far, but still have a ways to go.

Sylvanna said...

I am so open most of the time about who I am, I sometimes forget that so many others still hold back, and not without reason. I can't see my daughter being made fun of if she happens to mention I'm a witch, but I would deal with it swiftly if it did. I cannot imagine how I would even go about hiding that side of myself from my children. It tends to permeate one's lifestyle.

Anonymous said...

Great post. I'd love to share with you my philosophies on this, not telling you what you should or shouldn't do, just what I think and do.

I am the only Pagan person in my family. My Spirituality is sacred and personal to me. I speak of it when the topic comes up and feel no shame, guilt or worry about what my friends and/or family will think. If they are afraid and do not ask questions instead of making assumptions I will often prompt them with "why don't you ask me what you're thinking so we can set this straight".

As for my son, for the most part kids don't really sit around talking about Religion. At least I didn't with my friends when I was young. I don't have family Rituals, but I do have a family and seasonal altar in my home. My son knows what both are as well as what my personal altar is. I answer his questions and don't make a big deal out of it, so he doesn't either. It's just mommy's beliefs. I am not raising a Pagan or Witch child, I'm just raising a child who is ope-minded and tolerant of all races, religions and beliefs.

As for him being teased or tormented, I figure I'll cross that bridge if and when I come to it. If I do come to it, what a great way to teach my child about intolerance and how it negatively effects others.

To that end (and to end my endless ramble in your comments section) none of us wants our child/ren to encounter bullies or mean kids, but even if we do everything perfectly, there's always gonna be some jerk on the playground finding something to tease someone about.

witchesbrew said...

Thanks to all who replied to this post. I am glad to know I'm not the only one who struggles with thoughts of this kind. I too, wish there was a place around here to gather with like minded people.

But unfortunatly, finding a place like that, much less a person of like mind, is like a needle in a hay stack here. Or if there is, they are keeping a low profile I guess, just like me! LOL

I try not to hide my beleifs from my daughter to much as you said sylvanna, it is very much a part of my life. I try to go about it in ways, that if it was mentioned at school, kids or teachers wouldnt think to much about what she was saying, because my lil one likes to talk about things at school, shes a jabber box...LOL But she doesnt know any better, she thinks mama and daddy are the bee's knees. LOL

Teachers here, tend to stick there noses where it doesnt belong. The town is full of busy bodies. (sigh) LOL

@ dark mother- good advice,and thank you, and yes there will always be a bully somewhere, you're right. As mother i feel it is my duty to protect my child from this, I know that it probably is out of my hands really, but as any mother can attest, "mess with my child, and mama bear steps in". I guess I will have to deal with it when the time comes, or maybe I am making it into something bigger than it might be in the future. (sigh) (breath) hahahaha

Thanks ladies for the imput, since i havent any ladies to talk to, I am forced to go to my bloggy freinds for some helpful advice!


witchesbrew said...

By the way sylvanna, Did you get the package I sent you yet? I checked USPS but it hasnt updated the delivery confirmation since the 9th?


TheBlakkDuchess said...

You're not alone. I can't speak to you as a mother, as I have yet to have that pleasure. I can speak to you as someone who has contemplated this, however, and as someone cautiously emerging from her own broom closet. ^-^

I am following a Pagan path now, but was raised in a Christian home. My dad is a pastor. Even though I was raised in a common religion, I was still mocked throughout school for various things. No matter what we do or who we are, there will always be someone to poke at us about it.

I've also never been able to fully shake the fear I had pounded into me as a child, thanks to the tenets of Christianity. I still have moments where I'm terrified I'm wrong & will spend all of eternity paying for it.

This aside, I think you're being a wonderful mom for trying to do what's right for your daughter. ^-^
And the fact that you're thinking about stuff like this just goes to show it. Don't worry too much, whatever you decide to do I know you'll find the right way to do it. ^-^

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